Eleven Seemingly Harmless Behaviors That Can Wreck a Relationship and Seven Ways to Fix It!

In this fast paced technology driven society we find ourselves, relationships suffer. I’ve seen it too often in my private practice with couples. Seemingly harmless behaviors become reasons for breaking up. This blog offers some suggestions for break up proofing your relationship.

  1. Facebook. Think harmless hello to an old boyfriend. Next thing you know, hello emotional affair. This is a slippery slope to infidelity disaster.
  2. Your I-phone. The phone causes a constant distraction from being present in your relationship which leads to partners feeling lonely, isolated, and unappreciated.
  3. Gaming. This is an absolute time thief. One partner is left to manage the home while the other partner is checked out with a video game. This behavior leads to deep resentments and troubled waters.
  4. You Tube Videos. This is another version of time thief. But this behavior can lead to one partner losing respect for the other as he or she views this activity as particularly mindless and stupid. In the end, he can’t believe he is married to someone wasting precious time on such nonsense.
  5. Sarcastic humor. Anger can come out in passive aggressive ways. Sarcastic humor is one of those ways. One partner says very hateful and hurtful things about the other partner cloaked in humor. Left unchecked, this behavior causes long term damage to the relationship.
  6. Never validating how the other feels. This occurs when one partner shares how they felt about a situation and the other partner swells up with defensiveness denying that his partner felt those feelings. This behavior leads to resentment and eventually, paralyzes any type of healthy communication.
  7. Not actively listening. This occurs when partners do not make time to stop and fully listen to each other. Continued lack of active listening makes the partners feel unimportant, ignored, and unsupported.
  8. Money mind set. Each partner enters the relationship with a money narrative ingrained from family of origin. The money behaviors can range from being careless with money to being fearful of money and barely spending. At first, this may seem harmless to the couple and they give it little thought or discussion. Over time, money mind-set becomes a huge issue volatile issue that often lands the couple in counseling, bankruptcy, or divorce court.
  9. Too many plans with the girls or boys. With this behavior, the partner places too much importance on relationships outside of the couple. This will cause the partner bond to become unhealthy and begin to unravel as slowly the primary relationship of the couple is replaced with the bond of friends. A couple in this couple situation has a crumbling foundation.
  10. Not saying thank you. By not taking time to say thank you, a partner’s efforts do not feel appreciated. This can cause huge power struggles that tear at the fibers of the relationship. Overtime, this can become a huge issue causing partners to feel unappreciated and taken for granted.
  11. Not kissing hello and good-bye. Humans need touch as this gives us a dose of oxytocin (love hormone). The simple gesture of kissing hello and good-bye gives the couple a healthy dose of oxytocin which helps to keep them bonded. When couples neglect this very simple behavior, they begin grow apart.

These seemingly harmless behaviors build up over the course of a relationship. The behaviors lead to couples growing apart and harboring deep resentments towards one another. Eventually, they’ve had enough and decide to search for greener pastures.

This does not have to be the case. Couples can form Relationship Positive habits by being very purposeful with their relationship. A good relationship is not an accident. It is the result of two very committed, mature partners putting each other’s needs first and making their relationship the priority in their life. It is not easy, but it is worth the work.

Seven Relationship Positive Behaviors to make your relationship a fun place to be.

  1. Couple time. Every day have a time of day that is designated as your time. And, make that happen. It can be a fifteen minute cup of coffee where you share your day. The important thing is that it has to happen.
  2. Flext (flirt text). Use that I-phone for good. Flirt with your loved one throughout the day. When you think of him or her, send a flirty text. This can be phenomenal foreplay. Your partner wants to know you think of him or her and that you desire him or her.
  3. Laugh together. It is time to quit taking the relationship so damned serious! Let’s face it, no one’s getting out alive! Find something to laugh about together daily.
  4. Play together. All humans need to have fun and play. Make a point of bringing playfulness back into your relationship. This could be anything from cards to tickles. Just let loose and play.
  5. Have lots of hot sex! Think about it, sex is fabulous and FREE! Both parties need to be enjoying sex and wanting sex. If there is trouble in this area, go see a good relationship counselor.
  6. Love and Respect. Have the conversation with your partner about what it means to feel loved and respected in your relationship. Educate each other. Then use that information to honor your partner and the relationship.
  7. See a relationship counselor before you need to! Book a few sessions with an excellent relationship counselor just for relationship development. This is the most important investment in your life, treat it as such.
For more information about Online and In-Office Relationship Counseling, contact Dr. Merriman at https://dragonflytherapyservices.com/

2 thoughts on “Eleven Seemingly Harmless Behaviors That Can Wreck a Relationship and Seven Ways to Fix It!”

  1. Kelli says:

    Julie this is a wonderful article! So wonderful that my own husband sent it to me and said there might be a few things I need to change!!!😳😊😀. Kudo’s to you lady!! Awesomeness 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼🙌🏻

    1. Julie says:

      I just saw this! Awesome Sauce! Thank you for sharing!

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